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The Prank





I had occasion to go to Cardiff the w/end before Christmas. The weather was akin to the Arctic in the depth of the snowy season, a knee deep whiteout.

Arriving in Cardiff and making my way across the town, I stopped at the Central Market, as do all true born, gratefully expat, Cardiffians.
In childhood, the Central Market is a hall of exotic architecture and experiences.

On the ground floor are stalls selling bakestones (welsh cakes) and butchers stalls with a line of pigs heads behind them. The heads with comical ears and eyes that stare at you, even though they're closed.

On the upstairs balcony, there's a pet shop with fluffy rabbits and birds singing and fluttering about.

When you go back to Cardiff, that's what you go and look at. So I did.

In the course of this existential sojourn I noticed that pigs heads were still on sale. As it happens, I have a nephew (father of the great nieces) who is quite into traditional dishes and has been talking, for over a year, about getting a pig's head.
I stopped and asked a butcher the price and how late they stayed open ?? (5.30)

And so I went on my way to attend my duties. Because of the extremity of the weather, I was unable to complete my tasks so made my way back to the Market. I got there at 5.25. I purchased a pig's head. Jubilation.

It occurred to me that I should phone my grt niece who was at Uni in Cardiff, on the offchance that she hadn't yet left for London and could take it directly to her Mum and Dad. She ( who will become a secret agent in the course of this tale and thus must only be known by her codename, Agent 21) was indeed in Cardiff but two minutes from boarding a train out, so I told her to tell her Mum that it would be on its way in a coupla days.

Then, for other reasons, I made my way to Bristol and the pig's head spent two nights hanging in a garage there ( a defence against vegetarians, rats and foxes ).

Waking, the morning I had to leave, through my mind was running the memory of a thankyou letter from 21's sister, Agent18. She said my gift had caused her Mum "a bit of a shock" and I'd replied that I couldn't shock her Mum to order.
It occurred to me that in the garage I had something that could "shock to order". lol

Then I had porridge and forgot everything.

Bristol had had more heavy snow and I was grateful to get a bus out. As it began skating down the motorway I remembered my waking thoughts and rang 21. Was she up for a prank ??

The deal was this. 21 should tell her Mum that I'd called and was snowed in in Bristol.
I wouldn't be arriving with the head.
Agents 21 and 18 would rendezvous with me at their local shopping centre after I arrived in London. They would take the head and smuggle it into the house, discreetly empty the fridge and put the head in it, looking out.

She was up for a prank. The fix was in.

I met the girls in the middle of their Christmas shopping, after which they were going to Harry Potter (7 ??). I delivered the goods and left them to their devices.  They sat in the cinema with the bag between them, their weapon of shock and awe.

They pulled it off. They got the head indoors unseen, cleared the fridge and, with the dark deceit that the fridge had failed again and there was water all over the floor, lured their victim (Mum) to the fridge door, which opened to Aaaaaaaagh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brilliant.

When their Mum had stopped shaking she conspired with them to pull the same jape on their Dad. (Chicks, huh !!)

So the kids put one over on their parents. Even worse, the daughters put one over on their mother !! ( You don' wanna hear 'bout daughters relationships with their mothers.. )

This is the stuff that family legends should be made of. Kinda thing that Agent 18 would be telling her grandchildren and they'll be thinking "but I promised granny I'd work hard at school, why's the old fool going on about a pig's head and chuckling to herself ??"




And I claim to be a Great Uncle.




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